Omar in Stat. Pup.

Awake! For morning like a faithful Scout,
Has touched the switch that put repose to rout,
And lo! e’en now, that breakfast is prepared
Which, having missed, one simply goes without.

Arise and eat! And ne’er reflect how vain
The process is. For ah! one fact is plain –
However well one breakfasts here today,
Tomorrow one must breakfast yet again.

Think, in this endless, rutted camel-track
Whose Perils are alternate term and vac,
How Undergraduate after Undergraduate passed,
Was ploughed, sent down, or got a First, alack!

Ah friend, couldst Thou and I with pipes conspire
To cast these sorry Statutes in the fire,
Would we not write the Syllabus anew
Revising What the Examiners Require?

A cup of coffee, when my means allow,
Some noise and smoke, a bun, perhaps, and Thou
To hear some views my tutor could not grasp –
O Coffee-house were Paradise enow!

Ah, with the Bean all Sorrows drown. Drink up!
And when (unpleasant thought) to sit and sup
Seems not quite all-sufficient for a life,
Nor yet for Schools – come, have another cup!

Oxford satires